Saturday, December 23, 2017

Remembering My Friend Jeff

JO ANN and Jeff - 1978


This is a difficult blog post to write because it is about my very dear and special friend Jeff who committed suicide.  He shot himself in the head right after the Gulf War was announced in early 1991.  For many, many years I mourned his death and I still have a hard time believing he is gone, but of course I have moved on.  Only very special memories of that dear friend remain.

I met Jeff in the Taylor Hall cafeteria at lunch one day at the beginning of January of 1978 during my senior year at Colorado College. Students at Colorado College, CC, had a habit of sitting down at any table that had empty seats which was a wonderful way to get to meet new friends.  During those days, I tried to make a new friend at every meal in fact.

During that lunch, I learned Jeff was from Longmont, Colorado and he shared that he was a "Summer Start" student, which meant that he had begun his freshman year at CC in the summer of 1977, skipped the fall semester 1977, and would conclude his freshman year with the rest of Colorado College's student body during the spring semester of 1978.  Colorado College's Summer Start students were accepted to CC based on the fact that they agreed to begin their college life in the summer and skip the fall semester, so Jeff had not had a chance yet to form very many friendships at CC.

After that first lunch, Jeff and I tended to look for one another at meals.  He, like me, seemed to be so excited about being at college and living on campus.  Also, like me, Jeff had a tremendous desire to make friends.  He told me later that high school had been really difficult and that he had been subject to bullying and that once some kids had even put him in a trash can and beat him up.

Anyway, even though I was a senior at the time and Jeff was a freshman, we hit it off.  He made me smile and laugh.  As the semester wore on, it seemed that we always together.  We were not boyfriend and girlfriend, we were platonic friends who needed one another and both of us just were so anxious to make friends.

He drove a little green Volkswagen Karmann Ghia car that he called "The Emerald Flash."  It was common for him to take me for rides in it when I needed a ride.  I remember going to see Star Wars in downtown Colorado Springs with Jeff.   He packed a bunch of kids into his Karmann Ghia and gave us a ride to the theater.



Jeff, like me, was Jewish.  The late 1970s was the tail-end of the Jesus Movement, so young people, both Jewish and Gentile were turning to God.  Young people were exploring getting high on drugs, but they were also exploring "getting high on Jesus."  (Getting high on God, Jesus,, and love was much safer than getting high on drugs.....I guess...)

So...in February of 1978, Jeff and some other friends of mine went to see a movie on campus called "The Thief in the Night," a movie about The Rapture when a lot of people who believed in Jesus would disappear.  The movie was shown in the college's science building Olin Hall which had a somewhat dark and spooky theater.  Jeff took the movie very seriously and was scared to death; I recall him jumping out of his seat and coming forward to "repent" during the altar call.

After that night, Jeff had this interest in God that seemed to take over his being and I was given a new "Jewish spiritual buddy."  The two of us seemed to be almost inseparable.  Our Jewishness and interest in God and love brought us together.

Jeff loved music and brought his guitar over to my dorm room in Ticknor Hall often.  He would compose his own songs about God and we'd sing them together.  He'd share songs with my friends too and sometimes we'd sit on the floor in a circle singing songs about love while Jeff played his guitar.  Sometimes he would also play the piano and cello.

Somewhere in the middle of that semester, to save money, Jeff moved off campus to a house on Dale Street.  I don't remember how he managed to do that, since freshman were required to live in the dorms, but Jeff did move.  Since he no longer had the college meal plan, Jeff bought a meal ticket punch card for breakfasts only.  He would arrive at the Rastall Center dining hall at about 7 am for breakfast and eat and eat and eat for about an hour!  He told me that that one meal a day was all he'd eat until the next day since he ate so much.  I always thought that was so funny, but it was a unique way to save money!

As the semester wore on, I decided that after graduation that I would move to California since I had it in my head that I wanted to live in a commune full of Jesus freaks that were into this "love thing."  Jeff was excited about my idea.  Together we talked about what life in a commune might be like and the "love revolution" that we heard was taking place on the beaches in California.  He planned to drive "The Emerald Flash" to California to visit me once I got settled, but we wondered if his little broken down car could possibly make that drive.  

It snowed on my birthday on May 7, 1978.  After the storm, Jeff and I played in the snow on campus.  Below is a photo of him "saving me" from a snow monster on the Colorado College campus.



As graduation grew closer, we realized that Jeff had three more years of Colorado College to complete, so we knew it might be awhile before he'd visit me in California, but he did promise to write.  

On graduation day, Jeff cheered loudly for me as I received my diploma and a few days later we said our good-byes.

After I moved to California, Jeff and I wrote detailed letters to one another.  That's what young people did in those days since there was no email or social media and phone calls were very expensive.  He was an amazing writer and his letters were so entertaining to read.  He told me about life at CC and always included humor in his letters.  He'd draw little facial expressions and include them throughout his letters.  I was happy to receive letters from Jeff even before I opened them!

When I got engaged to my husband to be, Dan, in November of 1978, Jeff began to also write letters to Dan.  At first Dan did not understand Jeff's humor, but it didn't take long for Dan to really enjoy Jeff's correspondence.   

We spent our honeymoon after we married on April 7, 1979 in Colorado Springs and Jeff picked us up at the Colorado Springs Airport in The Emerald Flash.  He was just so excited to see me and meet Dan!  We all assumed a lifelong friendship had begun.  Every time we visited Colorado, seeing Jeff and spending time with him was part of our vacation plans.  He'd come over to my family's Colorado Springs condo and he'd enjoy swimming and using the hot tub at the condo with us.

Jeff planned to spend the summer of 1980 with us at The Atherton House, a commune type house we shared in Long Beach, but just as he began driving his Emerald Flash car to California, the car broke down and the cost of the repairs were just too much for him to make the trip.  I was so disappointed since I knew Jeff would have fit in the house so perfectly.

Somewhere during Jeff's senior year he wrote that he was engaged to a junior named Martha, so when Dan and I visited Colorado Springs on vacation, Jeff and Martha visited us at my family's condo.

Jeff and Martha - 1981



After Jeff graduated from CC, Jeff and Martha got married while Martha was still in school.  I recall they moved to Kentucky after Martha's graduation.  

Jeff majored in English which made finding employment difficult.  He wrote that he was having a hard time finding a job.  He just couldn't find employment which was making him depressed, so Jeff joined the Air Force and ended up being stationed in Panama.  Jeff wrote that Martha did not like Panama and that the two of them looked forward to the end of his military commitment. 

Reunion With Jeff - 1984

In 1984, Jeff left a message on our home and told us he had about 24 hours leave and was at an Air Force base in San Bernardino and would be flying somewhere else the next day.  He asked if we'd come out to San Bernardino and get him so he could spend some time with us.  He had no idea how far San Bernardino was from Long Beach, but Dan and I wanted to see Jeff so much, that we got in our car and picked Jeff up and took him back to our little garage apartment in Long Beach.  It was a very short visit since we had to wake up in the wee hours of the morning in order to get Jeff back to the base and get Dan to work in time.

The letters from Jeff just kept coming, but they were not as frequent or happy as they once were.  One day, we received a letter and a tape from Jeff telling us he was now an agnostic. 

Then, in December of 1990, we received a holiday card from Jeff written as poem that didn't sound happy.  I thought nothing of it, but I do recall thinking to myself that I missed Jeff's cheerful letters and cards from the past.  

Just a month later, I received a card from Jeff's wife Martha.  I first thought it was a birth announcement when I saw that it was Martha's writing and not Jeff's, but once I opened the card, I read the horrible news that Jeff had shot himself and was dead.  I was in total shock.  Dan came home from work and found me in tears.

Although Jeff is no longer with us, he is in my memories.  I hear him singing and talking.  I remember my wonderful friend.  He will always be alive in my heart.  

Jeff - 1978
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